Custody Scenarios #2: WWJD (What Would Julie Do?)

Emily: 0:00

Welcome to episode 2 of WWJD. What would Julie do?

Julie: 0:05

I feel very sacrilegious with that. It was Ash Wednesday yesterday.

Emily: 0:11

That is true. I'll take the blame for that 1. It was my idea.

Julie: 0:14

Alright. I like it. usually the bad guy. I'll let you be the bad guy.

Emily: 0:18

So these are some scenarios that I found online. These are not actual Julie client cases or anything like that, but there's some questions people asked online for their own custody situations. And Julie's gonna let us know what she would do. I'm on the WWJD.

Julie: 0:35

I'm on the hot seat. Alright.

Emily: 0:40

I had my daughter, and my ex used that to his advantage to the tenth power. I have since seen a therapist and did not need any medication luckily. I have 2 kids, a now 3 month old and a 3 year old. I have primary custody of him, different dads. I was awarded partial supervised custody of my 3 month old temporarily until my ex could gain trust in me again. Needless to say, I haven't seen my daughter in a month because he has all of these made up safety concerns. From my understanding, the court order isn't optional, but according to him and his attorney, he can keep her from me if he feels she is unsafe at any point in time regardless of the order. Isn't this contempt? I'm at a loss on what to do. I didn't really wanna hire an attorney, but that may be my best option at this point. I miss my daughter like crazy, and so does her brother.

Julie: 1:24

Okay. So to make sure I understood, that's a 3 month old she doesn't have custody of right now?

Emily: 1:28

Yes. She has a 3 year old from another dad, and the she had postpartum issues. The dad took the 3 month old away.

Julie: 1:34

His attorney is saying that if there's safety concerns, you don't have to follow it. And she said what before that?

Emily: 1:39

She said she hasn't seen her daughter in a month. Because according to her, he's making up safety concerns.

Julie: 1:45

Okay. I got it. Alright. So there's a lot of parts to this question. Let's start with, yes, you need an attorney, and you need an attorney ASAP. Your child needs to bond with you. So I don't know how much supervised time she has. I think I hope it's frequent and consistent contact. Typically, courts, especially with really young kids, ensure frequent and consistent contact. So so with regards to a court order, a court order is not optional. It has to be followed. Contempt of a custody order is going to be if a person willfully does not follow the order, and I've had a judge legitimately say, willful means you are saying f you to the order. So I always kinda use that as an example because that's exactly what it is. Hey, I know I have an order and I'm not following it. That's where you go for contempt. Now if there are safety concerns, and I mean legitimate safety concerns, he may be quote, unquote excused from not following the order, meaning it would not be willful because he had true concerns. He's not saying f you. He's saying, I don't feel that the child is safe. I don't know what they are, so I can't say if I think they're legitimate or not. However, I will say that it has to be pretty extreme, such as you show up at the exchange under the influence. How do you prove someone's under the influence? In this situation, if you showed up now keep in mind you're supervised. So if you're supervised, this shouldn't really be an issue because that's why the supervisor is there. There's really no excuse. He should let the supervisor say there's a problem. But let's presume this is a normal, quote, unquote, custody situation and a parent is at the exchange location and the parent shows up slurring their words, eyes are bloodshot, they can smell alcohol., in my opinion, you don't have to give your kids over to a person who you believe to be intoxicated. But you need to be pretty damn sure that that person is under the influence before you withhold custody. Not that you need to go give them a field sobriety test, but you should not withhold custody. You should follow an order barring extreme circumstances. With regards to the postpartum depression I have a lot of people who come in with, well, either postpartum or mental health, typically, they start hanging their head almost in shame, and I always tell them, don't put your head down, like, you're getting help. And even if you need medication, so is half of America on medication, probably more. So that's never anything to be ashamed of especially when you're handling it, and it sounds like this person is. This is something that actually is a benefit to you because your lawyer should say first of all, it's so common to have postpartum. I absolutely did for what it's worth with my first kids, and it is hard, but the more important part is I recognize I have an issue. I've reached out. I've asked for help. I'm getting help. That should be a positive. It's not a negative. Your attorney needs to go in and say, good for this person. She has helped herself. She is safe. And whatever their nonsensical arguments are, she or he, I'm saying she because I'm a girl, obviously, needs to go in and prepare that to go to bat for you pretty hard. So what I would do is advocate for that person both on the positive of their mental health, the nonsense of what they're withholding, especially because supervisors are there to protect the any safety issues and and push really hard to make sure that your custody is reinstated. And I think contempt is a good option. Contempt, I usually tell people, like, why? You go to court, you find out they're in contempt. They sometimes give you, like, a nominal attorney's fee and or they'll give you the filing fee. You don't have to have a contempt order to say that something bad happened. Your case, you need this person to give you that child. So I would say this is a contempt situation. But But for other listeners, sometimes I tell people, like, look, we can go to contempt. You're gonna pay me 2000 dollars to go to contempt. You might get 500 dollars back, and we can still use what that person did against them, if it's a 1 off, if it's a you know, they didn't do the right of first refusal or something like that. That. Yeah. You wanna document it, but you don't have to go to contempt every time someone doesn't file an order. Here, you need to see your kid. So call a good lawyer, and and hopefully that lawyer can help you.

Emily: 5:47

Especially a 3 month old with the mom. Absolutely. And like you said, supervised. Seems like that's supposed to be protecting the situation.

Julie: 5:55

Interesting. People often come into court and say, I want using alcoholism. I want the parent on sober link, which is a breathalyzer that you can use to make people test during custodial periods, and it's it's like a PBT. It's not gonna it's gonna give you a number, but we're not proving it beyond a reasonable doubt. But in any event so if you have supervised, you don't need soberlink because that's what the supervisor is there for. Save soberlink for that's, like, the next step to me. So the supervisor is there for all of those issues. So it's no need to double down for in that hypothetical. Do the supervision. The supervisor is there. And then presuming that's an issue in any other case, then perhaps the sober link starts. You don't need to double down. That's a cost and, frankly, it's a waste because the supervisor is there.

Emily: 6:41

So 1 other question from something you said. So if you were doing a custody exchange and you thought the person was under the influence, you're, let's say, 99 percent sure, very high likelihood.

Julie: 6:50

Mhmm.

Emily: 6:51

Do you just keep the kids, or should you call the police to get that documented? What should you do because you don't wanna get in trouble but you also don't wanna put your kids in danger.

Julie: 6:59

danger. So good question. Okay. Again, remember, I'm a former district attorney. So my 2 cents is don't call the police to, quote, unquote, report it unless you are calling to report a DUI. I've actually just recently had a case where happened at a custody exchange. The mom thought the dad was under the influence due to a number of reasons, still let the children go, but immediately called 9 1 1 to report the DUI or potential DUI. Dad got pulled over. He was under the influence, and she got the kids back, and now there's an order that he has supervised. But in an other situation like that first of all, I would say, like, if you using alcohol because that's an easier 1 to smell perhaps if you think the person's under the influence. I would say, hey, kids., get back in mom's car and say to the dad, I think you're under the influence. I'm not turning the kids over today. You need to get a ride. And then I would document it by either emailing your lawyer, if you have a lawyer, so that that lawyer can reach out to the other attorney and say, hey. This is what happened. So that you get ahead of the contempt issue. In a situation where, this happened, you could also file a petition for special relief to say, hey. I have a concern that he was picking up the kids under the influence. And if you filed to do that, it helps that you're not in contempt. Courts don't like self help. They don't want you to just do what you want. So if you have a real issue like that, it might be worthwhile filing a petition to say, hey. He came to the custody exchange to get the kids under the influence, so we need to have some safeguards in place until we know what the hell's going on. So that's an option. And then so document it. And if you don't have a lawyer in the event that you have a contempt filing after you eventually, then I would keep the log at the same time. So I always tell clients with custody, keep, like, a custody log almost like a Google Calendar. I I still write things. I don't love to do it do it on the phone because I'm old apparently. But if you do it simultaneous, it helps you refresh your recollection. It helps for 2 reasons. 1, because if you ask me what I did 3 days ago, I won't remember. Right? So same thing can happen in custody. Court, if you don't recall, if you're literally under oath and I'm saying on April third of 20 23, do you recall that date? Do you recall what happened? And you're like, I can say to you, hey. Did you take notes at that time? Yes. I did. If I showed you those, would that refresh your recollection? Yes. It would. Then you get to look at your notes. I take them back, and then you can testify. So it makes sure it's contemporaneous. You can use it in court to refresh your recollection, I'm not saying you should self help, but, obviously, your kids' safety is first and foremost. You also have to on the side of caution because, God forbid, you're right and you don't follow your gut and something happens to your kids if you're that sure that you're like, my kid could be in physical danger, then then that tells you what you should do. There's people who are like, I don't wanna say they make it up, but they they stretch the truth a little bit and they use things like that to their advantage, which is a problem because we've see we see that. And you don't wanna be the girl or boy who cried wolf either. The courts want you to encourage your children to have a relationship with their parents and they don't want self help and they want you to follow the order and all of those things. But again, things happen.

Emily: 10:11

Okay. Next 1. This is another mental health 1. So long story short, I have a 2 month old daughter. Her dad and I broke up. I was thrown out of his parents' house that I rented along with my 3 year old. It has been straight hell. I started having some issues with anxiety after that. Father asked for a mental health evaluation. I have no history of mental illness, but I did it anyway. My ex used that against me in court. Now I have supervised visitation until he can feel comfortable with my anxiety. I have another child I have primary custody of who is happy and healthy. His father and I get along well. Does this affect our court order at all? I'm so lost by all of this.

Julie: 10:56

So it sounds similar, but there's a slight difference that I think could help anybody. So number 1, say back to the same thing. Adjustment disorder. I I I'm sure almost every person who's gone to a therapist has had that diagnosis. There has to be more for there to be supervised, in my opinion, but, for what it's worth, if you have a relationship with the other parent, like you were asking in that situation, the 3 year old, yeah, it does help. It does help, I think, to say, like, look. There's she has another child, and this is the custody she has. That kid is doing well. That child is thriving. You know? And, again, the process in custody is different in each county to some extent. However, in a custody conciliation conference where it's a nonrecord, non evidentiary hearing I have had the other parent of the other child write either an email to me or some type of document that that is given to me that kind of vouches, for lack of a better word, for that person and their parenting. And since it's not evidentiary and it's not record, I can tell the court I have a letter from mister Smith, and mister Smith has a 3 year old with, you know, miss Jones. And he say he states and da da da da da. And I can say that because, again, it's a nonrecord. I get to do all the talking for the most part. So that is helpful. I forget what there was another part that I think was something I wanted to address,

Emily: 12:12

Just can this adjustment disorder affect the court order?

Julie: 12:16

I mean, really, again I'm not a mental health professional, but I am a sister that's 1. So we could ask her sometime. But I jokingly say sometimes that I feel like a therapist, and I read a lot of mental health evaluations. That is really nothing that should warrant supervised physical custody, especially if the person's handling it. I will say, for what it's worth, most mental health evaluations generally come back with little to no issue. And there have been times I'm like, oh, no. This person's gotta have something. And they come back, and I'm like what? How? Remember, they're self reporting. Now in a custody situation, the other side should be able to speak to the person doing the evaluation and provide documents, etcetera. There are times, I mean, I've had plenty that they come back with things that I'm going, oh, Lord. But there are times that you think that you're gonna get something and you don't. They're not as reliable as I think people think or they perhaps want. Sometimes they're not gonna find things that you might think are there, but, again, you have to remember that it depends on the evaluator, depends on what's reported. And at the end of the day, we all have to remember, meaning those in the custody world, that the goal is always to have the children have a relationship with the parents. So the the evaluation is not meant to prevent a relationship. It's meant to ensure the safeguards that are with that custody order for that parent. That's that's why we do them, not to prevent custody, not to vilify, to say, in a situation where someone is bipolar, for example their by their diagnosis and what they should do for treatment, and then the court order can say, parent, whoever, shall follow the recommendations, medication, etcetera, so that we know that person is is treating and and doing well. Because, again, mental health shouldn't be held against you, especially if you're being proactive in handling

Emily: 13:58

There's plenty of parents that are intact where 1 or both of them have some sort of mental health issue. All of us have probably something something going on. For sure.

Julie: 14:08

I'm happy to share. I go to a therapist weekly. I love her. It's it's helpful. I mean

Emily: 14:12

So just because you're now separated, that shouldn't be like, oh,

Julie: 14:15

the other part.

Emily: 14:16

crazy because she goes to a therapist and because now maybe she is diagnosed with bipolar, like you were

Julie: 14:21

You picked them. I mean, you have to that's you gotta remember that. Like you said,

Emily: 14:24

the people that are being proactive and trying to get treatment and trying to go on medication, that's all

Julie: 14:30

Right. And

Emily: 14:31

to do their best.

Julie: 14:32

And nor I'm gonna say normal mental health. Well, all all mental health is normal. Right? But I'm saying, like, if someone is in the throes of schizophrenia, that's gonna be a different situation. I'm talking about the the mid range mental health that is manageable, treatable, and the person's addressing. When we're in extremes I've had a lot of extremes, then, yeah, that's gonna be a restriction on the child's time with that parent. Adjustment disorder isn't an extreme. If you have a situation where you believe the other side has a mental health issue and you're either mid breakup mid separation, if you as the parent who's concerned are consistently leaving that child with that parent while you're separating unsupervised, you're not gonna get to go to court 2 months later and go, well, now I want them supervised. You can't talk out of both sides of your mouth. So keep in mind your behavior, you as the person who's alleging the the mental health, your behavior is going to also depend on what the court does. Because if you're gonna trust them pending separation and then all of a sudden when you want a custody order, you don't, that looks bad. Flip side, if you are worried, then really worry and take don't leave that person unsupervised even if it's you're still in the same house because you you're either really worried or you're not. You can't really have it both ways.

Emily: 15:39

Next 1. This 1, I thought you would like. A 25 year old male is getting threatened with child support from a 24 year old female. She was pregnant when we got together. The, quote, sperm donor is a deadbeat not wanting to step up. I took the role as dad, and I did so for 3 and a half years. 3 and a half years after her being born, she cheated, and lo and behold, we split 6 months ago by trying to co parent with a ton of turmoil and problems. Well, now she's threatening to take me for child support. Is that even possible? I'm not on her birth certificate. I did claim her on my taxes for 3 years as a dependent as I was the only 1 working, and she gave her my last name for some reason. Does she have any right to take me for

Julie: 16:18

So this is a really good question, and I feel like I legitimately, I'm an attorneys are never experts, but, boy, do I know this field. So yes. She can take you for child support. And the argument that you're gonna have is I'm not the father. I can prove it by a paternity test. The argument she's gonna have is that you are now stopped from saying that because you have held yourself out as the father. Once you've held yourself out to be the father for a long time, the child believes you're the father, you've said I'm the father, he or she calls you the father. You even claimed her on your taxes. Sounds like there may have even been a custody order. I heard something about custody turmoil.

Emily: 16:54

They were trying to co parent whether officially or not, and the child has his last name.

Julie: 16:59

So the mom is the 1 who fills out the birth to get the hospital. So, I mean, I to that extent, they couldn't put any last name. So, yeah, the the argument from mom's side is, hey. You it's paternity by estoppel. You've held yourself out to be the father, and you are now gonna be considered the father. And so I believe that the court would hold that you are you have now stopped from saying you're not the father because that's what you've said. And, again, it's about it's about the kid. If you say, hey, I'm daddy, and here I am daddy, 3 years later, and the kid's calling you daddy, and you're taking the kid to the doctor and dah, dah, dah, dah, you can't now later say you're not. And yeah, then you're paying child support. Equally, you have a right to custody. So you can file for custody and say I want to have my time and hell, depending on that mom, maybe you get primary custody and then she pays you child support. But, yeah he absolutely can can and will be required to pay child support if those facts are accurate in my

Emily: 17:51

That is interesting. I think if you weren't familiar, you would think paternity test. You think about Maury Jerry Springer. Right? Where it's like, you are not the father, and they're like, woo hoo.

Julie: 18:00

Then there's that song, Conway Gold Digger. You find out when the child's 18, it's not dad. Yeah. And it's interesting because, you know, frankly, there's not a lot of new law that's created all the time. Although there is a case right now. Very interesting. Same sex couple go and I'm gonna probably butcher the facts, but the long and the short of it is they intended to have a child. 1 of the women got pregnant. I think they were married at the time, but I can't recall. Woman gets pregnant, decides that they don't wanna be together anymore, and the parent who did not give birth, so the nonbiological parent, saw it standing in court to say I'm the parent. And again, I'm probably leaving out some facts but and butchering it to some extent. But the point is is that those 2 parents, those 2 women as parents decided to have this child. They jointly went through the IVF process. Biological mom gets pregnant, and then they break up. And by non biological mom says, yeah, this is still my kid. Well, fortunately, in my opinion, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court in an en banc decision, which means all of the superior court justices listened. Usually, it's a panel, like 3 of the justices, not all of them. So en banc means all of them. So all of the justices heard that case, which when you're en banc, it means something important is going on. They found that that parent has standing that woman has standing. And that's important for not only this same sex couples, but also, frankly, parents when there's you know, IVF going on, so there's not biology. There's a lot of things that can come up, but most importantly, it's important for the same sex community who are having children or the couples who are having children that are not biological because, that's what should happen. It's about the kid. It's not about what you want. So

Emily: 19:40

I mean, it's really the same situation as this person.

Julie: 19:43

Yeah. It's it's just flipped.

Emily: 19:44

But but, yeah, there's no, quote, unquote, biological ties. But other than that

Julie: 19:49

Yeah. And it's it's this is paternity by a stop. We'll go ahead and Google it. You're stopped.

Emily: 19:55

Sorry. Sorry, guy. Sorry, 25 male.

Julie: 19:58

So let's go back because, you know, I've got twin girls who'll be 15 this year, and, hopefully they don't have children young or, you know, with someone who, oh God help us, but my point is, is that, like, look, this is a risk you take, and, when you have a relationship, and he should have potentially thought this through if he didn't wanna be held out as the dad. So, you know, this is a new norm. There's a lot of people who aren't married and having children and wedlock. So you need to think about these

Emily: 20:25

a good point because I think, you know, people think a lot of these things for marriage. Like, oh, I don't wanna be tied or

Julie: 20:31

You're you're tied for life no matter if you're married or not.

Emily: 20:33

Right. Okay. I am currently working with a lawyer. My husband also has a lawyer. We came to an agreement in mediation for 50 50 custody with no child support. I don't wanna add child support to it because I know he will refuse and make it go to court, and I don't want to deal with that. Will a judge approve our agreement and issue the custody order without child support or refuse it because it's not in the child's best interest to not have child support?

Julie: 20:56

Does it is it the lawyer is gonna refuse it? Is that what that says?

Emily: 21:00

were just asking about a judge. Like like, can can this be a legitimate agreement without child

Julie: 21:05

support? So custody orders again, I don't know if this is a Pennsylvania case because I know you got it from online. But Pennsylvania custody orders don't address support. So there's a support order in the case, and then there's a separate custody order. So in Pennsylvania, you're gonna have 2 distinct things. So the custody order should be fine. You you can agree to whatever you want to agree to. That sounds like good. Sounds like you guys get along. Great. Be those people that you never need to see another lawyer again. Support is support is different and interesting. So in Pennsylvania, there's a support order. You don't have to seek support. As the parent who could receive support, if you choose not to seek support, that's your call. You do not have to seek support. However, it is against public policy to kinda quid pro quo waive child support for something. So in other words, generally speaking, you can't just say I waive my right to child support because it's not for you. It's for the child, but you don't have to seek it. So there's nothing that's gonna say, hey. You have a custody order. You also need to have a support order. If you choose not to seek support, then you don't have to seek support. But keep in mind, just always thinking a little bit ahead. You have 50 50 now, and you would be the person receiving support, and you don't choose to seek it. What if something happens and that other parent loses their job and it's a legitimate thing and the court can adjust it so that they would receive support or that they would get custody and therefore you would be paying support, would that person also give up that right? So it's not always gonna be you as the receiving party all the time, but no 1 has to seek child support. That's up to them.

Emily: 22:39

And I know something that comes up kind of frequently in our questions is can you get back support if you change your mind down the line?

Julie: 22:47

No. So in Pennsylvania, your effective date of your support order is when you file it. So if you file what's today? The fifteenth of February. So if I filed something today for a client on February fifteenth and we don't get to court until April first, well, it's now effective back to February. The only exception is if you have a support order, a current 1, and then a person fails to report income changes because that's required under the court order, obviously, an increase because they're trying to hide their income, you can go back. It's called Krebs, k r e b s is the case. Krebs means that if the person failed to report for, like, 3 or 4 years, for example, you can go all the way back to them because of that failure to report. And I've had cases where I'm currently dealing with 1 where, give or take, that person owes, like, 70000 dollars. Yeah. Then some

Emily: 23:36

Doesn't sound like it's worth it to get in that

Julie: 23:38

Just report it. Just report it. But the point is that, the effective date is the day that you file unless you have a Krebs issue under a current order. But if you don't have a current order and the person just never told you their income and you didn't file, you're out of luck. The judge isn't gonna intervene in in Pennsylvania if you haven't filed, but make sure you talk with a lawyer about what are you giving up. And remember, it's not for you. It's for the kid.

Emily: 24:00

Okay. So long story short, I'm gonna try to summarize this. The woman is a mom. They have 3 young boys, 9, 7, and 4. Got divorced 20 21. She did 99 percent of the parenting, so it sounds like she ended up getting majority of custody. Everything was fine. But then he got in a relationship and moved with in with his girlfriend into his home. She is his best friend's sister, so he's known her for a long time. She's fantastic with the boys, seems to really love them. She's helped their dad step up as a parent more. So he wants to go back to 50 50. He works overtime, but the girlfriend would be at home with the boys. And she's wondering if that's appropriate for a custody order for the boys to be with the girlfriend, not the dad, because he's working.

Julie: 24:42

who's asking this question? This is the mom. The mom. That's a really good question, and it's not gonna be a set answer per se. It's not a yes or no. I guess it kinda depends on a number of things. I will always say, a good stepparent. And for this for this purposes, I'm using her as a stepparent. There's nothing better than a good stepparent. Right? And this sounds like a really good type of stepparent. A good influence, good parental figure, all of those things. But the time is for dad. So it kinda depends. Like, how often is dad gone? How long would . Stepmom be with the kids. 1 of the cases I tried sometime during the pandemic was 2 great parents. Dad had to be out of the house early. And so stepmom, this was a true stepmom, meaning they were married, would then have to be the parent who took the kids to school on some days because that other parent had to leave early. And that was the other side's argument. And the judge in that in our case was like, no. Stepmom can take the kids to school. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty normal. Right? It's an hour, hour and a half if you're let's say that parent is leaving at 7 AM. Right. Well, if you step mom or whatever is getting the kid on the bus at 8 30, we're not no one's really sweating that especially if it's not all the time. But the point of custody is for the parent to have the child. So it kinda depends on how often the stepmom in this situation would be caring for the kid. And then I'd also say, I don't know about 50 50, but sometimes, you know, it depends on the age of the kids too and it just really depends.

Emily: 26:05

But it can factor into it if it's not the biological parent. Even if you're married and have been in a long term relationship, it can factor into your custody time.

Julie: 26:15

Yeah. 1 of the things I always ask clients and the court will ask is what's your work schedule? Because if you're not going to be home, then then why do you get the kids, right? If a parent, for example, works 3 to 11 every day during the week, well, it might not be appropriate for them to have overnights. It's not to punish them, but because they're not even there.

Emily: 26:33

But even if there'd be a girlfriend or a stepmom, it's like

Julie: 26:36

Correct. Yeah. They don't have the they don't trump They don't trump the parent. So but that's not to say you can't have somebody be there to help. And even if it's a lot, I mean, I I don't see an issue with a step parent or, girlfriend driving the kids to school or being there when they get off the bus. It's how much, it's how often. It kind of really just depends. But, the parents are the ones the courts care about, stepmom can help, stepdad can help, whatever. But they're gonna ask your work schedule for a reason. They're not gonna punish you for having to work, but they're also not gonna give your girlfriend or your new wife or husband or whatever, time over the parent who's available. Does that make

Emily: 27:10

sense? Yeah. No. It does.

Julie: 27:11

I and then I've said to people who are like, is it wrong that I'm okay with that? Flip it. And I'm like, no, if you're okay with

Emily: 27:19

Oh, okay with the girlfriend

Julie: 27:20

Yeah. If, like, a parent, if a client says to me, look, and I'll just say client's a girl because this person's a girl who's asking. My ex wants 50 50. A lot of the times it's his new girlfriend, new wife, whatever. I'm really okay with that. Like, is that bad? And I'm gonna say no. Like, I mean, if you're okay with it, like, this is this child's family unit. You may be creating a status quo. In other words, once you're at 50 50, it's gonna be hard to call that back unless something happens. So you gotta think it through. But, sometimes parents, like, the mom and my hypothetical might be like, it's kinda nice to share that, burden or role with another parent.

Emily: 27:58

if you know they're a good person, they're not doing harm to the children.

Julie: 28:00

Yeah. Absolutely. So you can do kind of whatever you want, but the court is going to choose parent parent, not step parent. But they're not gonna hold it against you if you're step parent or your step or the new wife or new husband, boyfriend, girlfriend are doing some of the help because that's part of life.

Emily: 28:16

Right. As long as you're, primarily around when the kids are there.

Julie: 28:19

Yeah. I've had lawyers say, well, your client can't pick the child up from school, he shouldn't get custody or she shouldn't get custody. I'm like, that's ridiculous. I'm like, how many times do we get help? And it's your

Emily: 28:32

grandparents picking up from school. Right? Like

Julie: 28:34

It's not always the parent who has to pick up, it's the designee. Like, think about common sense, like carpool. Hey, can you take my kid to fill in the blank activity?, in an intact household, it's not always gonna happen. So why would you expect it when especially, when it's harder when you're on your own? So no. The courts aren't gonna say mom or dad has to pick up every time. You can get help. That's okay. That's that's also a good thing. 1 of the custody factors in Pennsylvania is, you know, the ability and the availability of family and childcare, because they want to see that that you have people that help and they wanna see that you can get childcare arrangements because no 1 is with their kids or for the most part, no 1 is with their kids all the time. So people work. People have a life. People travel.

Emily: 29:12

Right. And that puts a lot of pressure to be like, I can't go anywhere because I have to be the 1 to pick up my kids all of the time.

Julie: 29:19

I literally stop people. I'm like, mm-mm. No. They're fill in the blank can help. It's not how this works. So

Emily: 29:24

That was my last question.

Julie: 29:25

Oh, good. That was

Emily: 29:26

fun. Yeah. There were some good ones. Alright. Well, thank you everyone for listening. Subscribe, review, email us any questions you might have that you would like Julie to answer. What would Julie do? And

Julie: 29:38

we're gonna get a little I'm gonna get a little better about being regular.

Emily: 29:41

Oh, yes. We do need to get a little bit better. Julie's busy , being a lawyer and such. but,

Julie: 29:48

January was a lot. Trial

Emily: 29:50

is for you guys because of after the

Julie: 29:52

Yeah. That's a common time for people to be like, okay. I'm ready. And I'm

Emily: 29:54

Or, like, things were paused and

Julie: 29:56

right. And I this year, I had a trial starting January second. Happy New Year. Yeah.

Emily: 30:00

a fun break.

Julie: 30:01

I was at work on December 20

Emily: 30:03

Did you get your decision on

Julie: 30:05

No. I know. I'm hope hoping next

Emily: 30:08

Alright. Fingers crossed. Yeah. But the email address is lawyer julie 55 at g mail dot com if you want to get in touch with us and ask any questions.

Julie: 30:16

1 question I we'll just put out there. I know that this is building, but I'll ask you and then if anybody's listening. I was debating doing, this type of thing, but live.

Emily: 30:26

Oh. TikTok live would be good because you have a big following

Julie: 30:29

TikTok. But how long does that last? Like,

Emily: 30:31

long does that last? As Or we could do an Instagram live or we could do a YouTube live. I There's lots of lives.

Julie: 30:37

You know, I know nothing about all of this. Yes. But I was thinking, some people just have, like, 2 questions and they don't wanna Or they don't wanna ask the question, but they're like, oh, maybe I'll listen because someone will ask my

Emily: 30:46

question. Right. Or it's, like, part of the discussion that's happening, and they have a follow-up question or something like that. So that could be fun.

Julie: 30:52

I was thinking about that.

Emily: 30:54

Get in front of the camera again. It's been a while.

Julie: 30:56

my sweatshirt that I'm in today. I got out of my work. I was in court. Took out I got out of my work year.

Emily: 31:01

We're cash here. We're

Julie: 31:03

When I'm out of court, I'm happily in comfortable clothes. But, yeah we should do TikTok soon too.

Emily: 31:07

will do some more TikToks. If you're any of our TikTok listeners,

Julie: 31:11

will Alright. Sounds good. Thanks, Em. See you. Bye.